The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I wish that song had more lyrics

Dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna batman, batman, batman.

Repeat ad infinitum.

This Summer: The Life of Nathan Hill

Conform, Consume, Obey.

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle/Random
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

Opening Credits:Cat Power, The Coat is Always On
OK, so my film is apparently going to be quite dark.

Waking Up: The Violent Femmes, Gimme the Car
I'm thinking we open during the surly gothic teenage years that I never really experienced. Still, I assume we're translating this to the American context so I guess I'd be a goth in semi-rural Florida. Goth leathers + 90% humidity = I'm sure that has to be a bad idea.

First Day At School: Rogue Wave, Kicking the Heart Out
Since we've already established that I was a teenager at the start of the film, I'm going to re-name this "first day at a new school?"

Falling In Love: Ladysmith Black Mambazo- Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes
It works! I am even a poor boy.

Breaking Up: R.E.M.- Let Me In
This dates from the period when REM where all about electric guitars, but had gone off having distinct notes. I heard it was about Kurt Kobain's death, but it seems to fit pretty well.

Prom: Jimi Hendrix, Purple haze
I've actually never been to a prom, so let's load up on clich├ęs for this section. Based on the hot lixx, I'm guessing I'm a wallflower who passes a joint around a circle outside the fire escape. It even fits narratively, if these chapters are in chronological order.

Life's OK: Belle and Sebastien, F this S
Even though my methodist upbringing prevents me from writing this song's full title, it is a pleasant, relaxed piece of music. It's actually from a soundtrack ("Storytelling"), though. Is that cheating?

Breakdown: R.E.M. I'll take the rain
Despite the title, this is actually a pretty hopeful song.

Driving: Simon and Garfunkel, Homeward Bound
Well, it tells a story, but we can work that in. So at this point I am, presumably, driving home. I think anything else would confuse the viewer.

Flashback: Blur, No Distance Left to Run

Getting Back Together: Shins- Saint Simon
I can never remember if Saint Simon was the one stoned to death by Saint Paul or the one shot with arrows and consequently painted nekkid for fifteen hundred years. Either way, this song is happy enough to do its duty here.

Wedding: Mogwai- You don't know Jesus
I'm starting to think that my film is going to be a cult classic among people who love to be different.

Sex Scene: Modest Mouse- The Cold Part
Well, I am pretty... wait, what are you trying to say?

Birth of Child: Catatonia- My Selfish Gene
We may have to talk about this one with the editors, because otherwise we've got a very, very dark segement of the film here.

Final Battle: Wamdue project- King of my Castle
Haha, I remember that song. This suggests that the fight scene will be rather up-beat and well choreographed.

Death Scene: Sufjan Stevens- The Lord God Bird
I aim to have a Mercutio-style death.

Funeral Song: Radiohead- Everything in it's right place
I don't know, man. I'm not even sure who's funeral this is meant to be.

Dance Sequence: Band of Horses- For Wicked Gill
I'm not 100% sure how you'd go about dancing to this, but I don't think our target audience dances much.

End Credits: Beight, Invisible City
I'm still not clear what this song is about, but that's OK. it'l make people think our film is deep and meaningful.

OK! So the moral of this story is that you don't have to listen to rock or metal in order to become wish-fulfilment for goths. I feel better about myself already!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I feel you, brother

We've all had projects like this.

Parenting advice

If I ever accidentally sire a child, this is exactly how they will be raised.

If a girl: Accident Subtlety Hill.
If a boy: Accident Hugoramirez Hill.

They'll thank me for it when they're disaffected goths.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Turnin' it around

I have said before and I will say again: I hate sorting things out. For me, the harmonious natural order is "I have completed year two: now to go on to year three. What buffet options should I take?"

I have, instead, to say "Well, I have only studied engineering for three months but I guess it's time to choose my ridiculously specific PhD project. Um..."

Actually, that's not the biggest problem. I have idea of what I want to do with the next three years of my life. The question is, who's going to pay for it? How does an honest man find thirty grand?

And them's Pounds Sterling, Colonial.

As such, it's a huge relief when you stumble acorss a web page that says "Come and have some money, Sassanach. We've got loads."

I'm viewing the future and am excited, rather than pensive. It's a return to form!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I said, a job.

It means Give Us

I dismissed it at first, but maybe my job-hunting skills could use work.

Monday, December 04, 2006


Aspiration: Loughborough is getting me down, and it would be awesome to spend the winter in Oxford.
Constraint: I really need to earn some cash.

Point: You should go to Oxford. It'll be totally awesome.
Counterpoint: But there are good reasons to stay in Loughborough.

Point: Man, screw the balrog. I don't have any friends here, or leastways no friends who'd laugh if you made a joke about General Braxton Bragg or Legolas.
Counterpoint: So stay here and make a winter of delight with nachos and Texas Hold 'em.
Point: But a full 88% of my coursemates are from overseas, and several have gone home over weekends. Chances of any hanging around are slim.

Observation: Minimum-wage agency work is likely to be as easy to come by anywhere.
Counterpoint: Look, if you go to Oxford you'll be squatting in someone else's house. You have six weeks between the end of term and the start of exams, but if you go to Oxford you'll have to leave after only four. There's just no way you'll get work for those last two weeks back in the Elbro.
Point:Yeah, but I could justify those two weeks as revision time. In fact, given the fraction of the term I've spent on Knights of the Old Republic and worrying about the future, you really should do that anyway. So it's the same.

Point:I ideally want to get a DPhil place back in Oxford. Being there over the winter might give me a chance to talk to some potential supervisors.
Counterpoint: Loughborough has a better research centre than Oxford does. So you should stay here.
Point:You dislike Loughborough now, do you really want to spend another three years here?
Counterpoint: Maybe. It'd be a fresh start.
Point: But if I'm going to teach anyone, do I want it to be the undergraduates you get here?
Counterpoint: Stop being such a snob.

Counterpoint: If you leave the Lo-brow, you'll have to miss at least four weeks of paper-rounds.
Point:The money I'll miss out on is about the same as I'd make in a single morning on the bins.
Counterpoint: Yeah, but you don't really do the paper round for money, do you? And two weeks ago they asked if you'd be here over Christmas and you said yes.
Point: It's fine, I'll just tell them somethign came up and I'm going to be away for a month. I'm not so timid that the idea of telling strangers I have to skip a couple of weeks is a problem.
Counterpoint: Uh-huh. You have no problems with confrontation at all.

Advice is desperately solicited.

I need to get that 8th panel as a wallpaper

Look at this damn thing. It's beautiful.

I no longer live among people who would laugh at jokes like "5th level Epicurean: Aponia reduces the effects of injuries". That makes me sad.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Rock, I guess?

Now, Tenacious D is kind of cool. I do love some bass guitar and people who find themselves ridiculous.

Even so, I think I disagree with the educational principles espoused in School of Rock.

It's pronounced "Part A"

Sometimes numbers have significance that has nothing to do with their properties. Since they are associations and not meanings, they are different for eveyone. Some of these eanings you derive from culture, some from your own idosyncratic past. 1066 if you're English, 1492 if you're American, 1859 if you miss having a religious identity.

For me, some significant numbers include 658 (my parental home phone number), X9 (the bus service that I used almost every time I left the house on my own) and 55 (brotherhood).

To me, 88 is an ichthys for monsters, but I have learned that it is also used among Chinese speakers as a shorthand for "Bye", and in the world of hip-hop. I assume none of these groups is aware of it's significance to the others.

This is the post which moves the Bran Report from having 99 posts to having one hundred. Or, if you prefer, from 1100100 to 1100101. Or, from a number of posts which is a product of three primes to a number that is a product of only two.

Congratulations, blog! I attribute some meaning to this arbitary boundary and therefore extend ritualistic good wishes to your personalised self!



THings I like doing during night-time December storms:
Reading by the fire
Sleeping in a warm bed
BEing almost but not quite asleep in a warm bed

Things I don't like doing during night-time December storms:
Cycling up Nanpantan Hill so someone can have a waterlogged copy of the Sunday Times.