The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Who likes all the little duckies in the pond? I do, I do, I do.

So, the legendary Show with ZeFrank is drawing to a close. I am particularly motivated to comment because Thursday's entry includes music that has a great sound. It's a sound I intend to emulate when I learn banjo, bass and sitar during the relaxed stroll1.

Most of the songs are kind of inside jokes, so you might not enjoy them as much as I did. In order, they are about:
Giant Babies
The Leave a Comment Feature
Delta Airlines
Mahmoud Amahdi-Nejad

So now you know!

1. Alternative names for this re-enaction of the Origeon Trail are "The month of sundays", "Project Awesome: West", and "The Oak Harbour Project".

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


Pardon my French tonight. I just trimmed my beard and so am slightly less magisterial than usual.

Let's not mince words: the opportunity to feel smug is a precious one. It's a nice feeling- almost as good as "snug".

My favourite smugportunity1 recently came from watching clips of an angry Australian satirist.

John Safran: "Point to Zaire on this map. Go on you smug fuck, show me where it is. I'll give you ten seconds. Come on, you're not a dumb American. Come on!"

Me: "Well, Zaire ceased to exist back in the nineties, but this big-ass slab of land on the equator in Africa is the Democratic Republic of Congo, formerly Belgian Congo. If I remember rightly they're also called Congo-Kinshasa to distinguish themselves fro mthe neighboring Republic of Congo, a.k.a. Congo-Brazzaville. It has one of those democratic Presidents who never has elections and hands on power to his eldest son. It's also an unparalleled shitstorm of hatred.

John Safran: Issues, death, ingnorance, hypocrasy

Me: Man, I'm awesome.

1. For some reason I assume there's a better word for this in German.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Christian Identity

Christian Identity is a movement that takes anti-semitism to a whole new level by getting around that whole "Isn't the Old Testament just chock full of Jews" thing.

The theory goes that Abel (the butcher) was the child of Adam and Eve, but Cain (the tiller) was the child of Eve and the only person in the Garden who never told a lie. Adam, so the story goes, had the golden hair and glowing complexion of all good-hearted people, as did his true descendants in Ancient Zion. Meanwhile, Cain's sons were just, you know, kicking around in Enoch counting money and making cinema or whatever. The blue-eyed sons of Abraham get kidnapped by Persians and have a series of zany adventures that lead them to settle in Europe. Meanwhile, Khazars and Scythians and so on settle in the Holy Land and half-heartedly imitate the glory days of their proud and idustrious predecesors. Of course, they also build a busy economy based on usury, bespoke tailoring and claiming to have been there all along.

Taking a more literal interpretation, I have discovered a little bit of identity with the Christian culture I inherited: While re-watching Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace, I muttered John 11:35 several times. I have also been known to quote this scripture about halfway up Nanpantan Hill.