The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Saturday, April 21, 2007


Hey Nathan!
Did you just get back from an eleven hour shift at work?
You must really love that place, huh?
No. No, I do not.
Oh... well, then the pay must be pretty good, right?
Well, it's no so much "good" as "illegal".
I've been meaning to ask you something. Why? Why oh why?
Um... protestantism?
That's not really an answ... did you just drink a litlre of unfiltered pineapple juice in a sitting?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Call me Ishmael

Excerpt from "Possible cool names to adopt next time I move cross-country":

Pro: Every introduction is now an opportunity to make a cultural reference.
Con: I don't like living in hostility towards all my brothers1.

Pro: Qui-gon Jinn is super awesome.
Con: But a bit credulous, when you get right down to it, and you hate credulity
Con: Also, you were only ever called that by one person for a few weeks, so you'd be reaching to claim "People call me..."
Con: The less said about Episode One The Phantom Menace, the better.

Pro: Medieval chic
Pro: Implies a well-read background
Con: Pronunciation reminiscent of expectoration
Con: Constant need to spell it for people
Con: Sounds slightly like a mushroom?

Pro: Subtle anti-war statement
Con: Not sexy

Pro: similar enough to "Tiger" for jokes, but distant enough that people will not suspect that this is my motivation
Con: Do I really want to be named after a biome?

1. Does this joke reveal that all my biblical jokes are NIV? It's a shame, because the KJV is always a comfort and friend to the dark legions who stand at the edge of darkness.2

2.Talking of the edge of darkness, man! I got really sidetracked today, didn't I? I'm a regular old clarkson when I've had too much sugar, apparently.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It's oh so quiet

Devon is driving me out of my mind. Send help.