The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Thursday, June 28, 2007


They have mown the grass in the parks. Combined with heavy rain, it has the smell of silage. Suddenly, it is 1999 again.

I am putting on weight and zits at a considerable rate. I am reluctant to shave, despite widespread peer-pressure to do so. I am working on a task that is certainly ill-defined and might be endless. I have a job where I am the most educated and lowest-paid employee. Best of all, I have a heaping helping of anxious depression.

Honestly, all I need is a nametag that says RICHARD and a pretty girl that I can disappoint.

Wales sucks

Excerpt from my quarter-written bare-bones outline Literature Review.

I'm sorry, Wales. I'm really referring to your Energy Agency, which had the stellar idea of "Well, we don't know the windspeed, so let's just assume a Moderate Breeze blows 24/7. Plug those numbers in aaaand... wind turbines rule!"

I hate you for doing my project in a few seconds and getting the answer that I want buyt suspect I won't get.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


This "literature review" business is a sham. I have just read a sentance that was four lines long, with narry a punctuation mark or conjunction to be seen.

At least I know why I keep getting marks deducted for being too amusing.1

1. A number of words in this sentance are verbatim from my last report marksheet.


I'm working in the department today. Why? Because at home, all I do is play Neverwinter Nights, drink Guiness, and pretend I'm someone else.1

This computer monitor has ink on it.

Someone, at some point has used a biro to circle, strike-though or underline things on the screen.

Isn't there a joke that uses this conceit?