The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Or, the Importance of Wahing the Hands

There are many metrics for how good a man's life is. One that I think rather robust is the number of times in a given 12-month period that he feels close to vomiting. Through weakness of character and lack of foresight, I have increased this year's V-number by falling afoul of the demond drink.

I have spent a night spitting and thinking crazy feverish thoughts about how I would be less angry in the morning. When your body rejects tapwater, you know that you've crossed the line from indulgence to poisoning.

Frankly, I think it's time to start work on checking off one of my life goals: secular monasticism. Sobriety and vegetarianism1 are looking pretty good right now. A vow of celibacy wouldn't be much of a burden when you consider my face and love of Star Trek2, 3. Sustainable living, of course, is a cause celebré for me. Finally, the clothes are awesome.

1. Barbeque. I have been sweating beef fat all day. I feel like a McDonalds french-fry.
2. Oh no he didn't!
3. Picard was the best captain.


At 3:45 am, April 11, 2007, Blogger ck215 said...

I feel that simply tying "Oh no he didn't" doesn't quite sum up the way it should be said. There needs to be more sylables in didn't.

And you're right about Picard.


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