The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's hacking at the walls

I have developed two mouth ulcers. They show up every so often and hang around for a week or two, souring my outlook on life. This seems to be a hereditary thing, so I'll mark it as the first of th Three Woes my paternal DNA will probably subject me to1. I call them Jimminy and Monstrous. Because they are partly caused by rubbing on my teeth (Jimminy on my lower left canine and Monstrous on an upper right incisor, if you're interested), holding my lips in any kind of normal human position is painful. So is talking, eating and smiling. Consequently I have spent all day in a simian grimace. On the plus side, at least this makes it extremely unlikely that anyone will want me to kiss them soon.2

My dinner tastes of blood. Sigh.

1. Early baldness and gall stones on the way! Woohoo!
2. I hate to disappoint. I hate to disappoint due to mouth wounds even more.


At 8:56 am, May 06, 2007, Blogger Laura said...

Have you tried bonjela? It works miraculously and it tastes of aniseed. Score!

At 12:05 pm, May 06, 2007, Blogger Nathan said...

I have some on order in my next grocery drop. For the price, it had better be the holy grail.

Talking of which, did you know that the first Indiana Jones film includes the actor who would later go on to play Gimli? I was shocked to learn this.

At 12:48 pm, May 06, 2007, Blogger Nathan said...


At 6:56 pm, May 10, 2007, Blogger Laura said...

Did the bonjela work?

At 10:40 pm, May 10, 2007, Blogger Nathan said...

It only arrived today, but early indications are that this stuff could cure a bullet wound.

The problem is trying to prevent myself just eating it. I have to consciously keep my tounge behind my teeth.

All joking aside, when I said that to myself I said "As Théoden said to Grima". There is something wrong with me.


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