The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Monday, November 13, 2006


I'm going to start a club. It's going to be called "Studying for a second Masters in something fascinating in a town that I don't like and additionally I have reservations about the course structure". Apart from myself, I have potential members in a Canadian steel-town and the West Riding.

When the club become obsooloete in the autumn of 2007, we make a pact to all study a PhD at the same university, somewhere that has good Biophysics, Energy and Judaism centres, and we can move in to a castle together. We could make a sitcom about two gals and a guy in their 20-somethings sharing good times and having adventures. It'd be about how traditional intelectualism adapts to the Lo-I-have-wrought-a-new-world masculine arts of engineering and the scary face of bioengineering. It'd be Friends meets Three's Company meets C. P. Snow's The Two Cultures. I know it would be a little high-brow, but I could pretend to be gay. That'd make it more marketeble, right? Right?

Network Executives: Call me.


At 11:53 am, November 13, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think this a spectacular idea. Though why does my subject get the `scary face`? And it depends which market you are aiming for, it could improve ratings if instead the jew and the not quite veggie had the gay tendencies!

At 12:26 pm, November 13, 2006, Blogger Nathan said...

I guess that would allow us to do love-triangle stories. I fear we may have already alienated the Red States as it is?

Also, you get the scary face because you breed locusts with the faces of women, the teeth of lions and the sting of scorpions, arrayed like horses for war and they have a king who is an angel in the pit who is called Abaddon. Scary!


At 1:17 pm, November 13, 2006, Blogger Laura said...

We could totally have a running story line about the perils of a not quite Jew and a not quite veggie trying to keep a vegetarian/kosher kitchen. If we discount the fact that the not quite Jew is actually very veggie. There could be Jewish mother in laws, animal liberationists... I think we could get a second season. And everyone here who has seen pictures of Mansfield is convinced I lived in a castle already. We have all the elements. And the series could fund our PhD's. We must make this happen.

At 6:04 pm, November 13, 2006, Blogger ck215 said...

Well, speaking as a resident of one of the reddest parts of a blue state (hey, if it plays in Peoria...), I have to say all you really have to do is make the Tomes a nun, and then make her gay. That'll turn everyone off. The Jews. The Catholics. The Evangelicals. If you want race in it to, make her Black. The more minorities one character can offend, the more likely it is to be a hit.

At 10:14 pm, November 13, 2006, Blogger Nathan said...

This week, the girls plan a vegetarian kosher party. But will Nathan's simultaneous bring-your-own-oysters hog roast put a dampener on things? Hijinks ensure at nine p.m., eight central seven mountain.

At 1:52 pm, November 14, 2006, Blogger Maxwell Edison said...

Never before has being an undergraduate made me feel so alone.


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