The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Religion week means hitting easy targets

Time for the next article pulled from that I find risable. I am going to treat it in accordance with that ancient tradition of transcribing passages and my responce to them. I'm going to MST3K it. ("Mystique it?")

If you are already bored by me, then perhaps this is one to skip and so, being the good host that I am, I'm a puttin' it behind a cut. Click here to read on.

Today's object of ridicule isn't just an HTML file, it's apparently also a chapter in a book which suggests a level of commitment to the idea expressed within that I find frankly worrying.

I ehnt going to quote all of it, just the delicious niblets. Feel free to go and read it all if you like, but be advised it has an effect on your brain not unlike working with solvents in a poorly-ventilated room. In summary, the thesis here is that D&D is not collaborative fiction, or a precursor to video games, nor even a popular subsitute for a lovelife but it is, in fact, comprised of rituals for summoning demons.

Stairway to Hell: the well-planned destruction of teens, by Rick James.
Already, the title has given me pause. This guy is going to bad-mouth The Zep, isn't he? I guess this means we're adversaries.

Chapter 10: D & D: Just A Game?

The devil is using many different tools today to trick young people into riding the fast lane down the stairway to hell.

One of the most dangerous and widespread of all those tools is his fantasy role playing game, Dungeons and Dragons.

Produced by Satan in partnership with Hasbro, apprently. I guess this association puts the heat on GI Joe and Monopoly, too.

The headline read, "Boy was driven to kill." A 14-year-old boy who "loved playing the fantasy game Dungeons and Dragons" admitted strangling a 9-year-old girl and her 11-year-old brother.

"Timmy, who loved Monopoly, admitted strangling two people".
"Timmy, who loved baseball, admitted strangling two people".
"Timmy, who loved eating ans sleeping, admitted strangling two people".
I could do this all day.
"Adolf, who loved painting and the Bavarian mountains, wrought more suffering than a sane person can comprehend".

What happened? How could a 14-year-old child murder two young children in cold blood for no reason and with no feeling? Simple. He had been playing Dungeons and Dragons for a year and a half and had been a dungeon master for 5 months.
Through D & D, the demons entered his body and drove him to commit the murders.
Yeah, I guess that is a logical connection to make.
I'm not wasting my time reproducing them, but the article is just full of examples along the lines of "Someone played D&D at some point, and later commited a violent crime. COINCIDENCE???" Shootings, stabbings, strangulation... references to boardgames, although D&D has no board... wait, I got it! Rick's thinking of a different Hasbro product..

You say, "I don't believe D & D has anything to so with Satan or religion." Then let's turn to page 25, paragraph 3 of "Deities and Demigods (instruction manual) and see what D & D says about itself. "Serving a deity is a significant part of D & D, and all players should have a patron god."
Alright a), do you mean by this that it is a bad idea to have a patron god? Because I've been inclined to that viewpoint for years now. b) In fact, giving your character a religious heritage is by no means neccesary. Wayland, first-level Paladin, would agree with you except he can't because he's a freakin' fictional character.

I don't believe that any sane person is going to make the category mistake of confusing reality and fantasy.

[A TV network] concluded that D & D does contain authentic occult materials. Rituals, magic spells, charms, names of demons, etc. were all authentic. They said a list of names of demons and devils that were in a new D & D book kept showing up in the Bible. The conclusion of the study should send shivers up and down the spine of every D & D playing teenager. They found that D & D is "not fantasy."
a) Did you know that the names of saints and apostles in the Da Vinci Code are all also in the Bible? Spooky stuff!
b)Now, I'm no TV Network, and I haven't gone out and compared my Player's Handbook to real magic spells to see how similar they are, but I'm having a hard time with this one.

I'll be honest with you, though, I have left out Rick's knock-down argument.

Authorities are convinced their deaths were related to D & D. The local Police Detective who handled the case, came to this conclusion about the two brutal deaths: "There is no doubt that D & D cost them their lives."

Holy shit, an anonymous policeman believes it? Quick, help me burn my PHB!


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