The Bran Report

It's good for parts of you that you'd probably rather not think about.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Excerpts from my Adium logs

15:02:39 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: The further I get into this work, the more I regret not embarking on a career as an international man of mystery
15:03:10 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: I mean, electrical systems integration is fun at first, but I can;t help thinking I'd have had even more fun cheatin' at cards in Rio
15:14:24 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: But on the other hand, how much more likely are you to be, for example, brutally murdered if you were an international man of mystery?
15:14:32 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: The only real risk involved in your work is papercuts.
15:14:41 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: Unpleasant though they are.
15:14:42 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: And rsi
15:15:02 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: And bad posture
15:15:25 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: And listening to the same track ovcer and over and hating yourself for your addiction
15:16:07 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: Teardrop by massive attack?
15:16:21 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Actually, it's "The End" by the Doors
15:16:26 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: (Currently for me it's Joga by Bjork)
15:16:30 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Thouugh your guess does have more than a hundred plays
15:17:13 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: My top one is each coming night by Iron&Wine with 55
15:17:27 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: Followed, oddly, by The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice
15:17:37 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: I'm not keen on that one
15:17:41 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: then "ain't got no - I got life" by Nina Simone, of which I am very proud
15:17:53 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Eskimo would have a bajillion more plays if it didn't have an hour of silence on the end
15:18:00 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: I'm surprised by New Slang coming in at 9
15:18:10 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: yeah, ture
15:18:26 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: Hey, Johnny Park! by the foo fighters is a surprise entry at number 7, but I do love that song
15:18:58 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: And I should be working
15:19:02 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: Sorry, see ya
15:19:06 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Righto
15:19:07 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Peace


18:09:08 gracejohnson60: hi
18:09:49 selvrtanni: Well, high, Grace Johnson 60.
18:10:10 gracejohnson60: yes
18:10:17 gracejohnson60: and you?
18:10:27 selvrtanni: The fact that I malapropped there should tell you that I'm a little distracted. I'm actually kind of working at the moment.
18:11:36 gracejohnson60: AM 21 YRE
18:11:44 gracejohnson60: AND YOU ,
18:11:46 gracejohnson60: ?
18:11:52 selvrtanni: Here that's a coincidence, I'm 23
18:12:17 selvrtanni: Not so much s coincidence as a vauge agreement, but still
18:12:24 gracejohnson60: am from Abidjan,Cote d'Ivoire
18:23:52 gracejohnson60: can you assist me in assist me in transfer of this sum of Three million, Five hundred thousand United State Dollars.($3.500,000)to your account ?
18:24:13 selvrtanni: Now, why would you want to do that?
18:26:29 gracejohnson60: ok send me an email now so i can tell you more


20:51:50 manu_freak@hotmail.com: how's life up north
20:51:58 manu_freak@hotmail.com: ?
20:52:06 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Not so bad
20:52:18 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: How's the capital?
20:52:22 manu_freak@hotmail.com: good
20:52:32 manu_freak@hotmail.com: not ankle deep in mice!!
20:52:43 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: ANKLE DEEP!
20:52:49 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: It's a nightmare!
20:52:55 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Oh, it makes me laugh.
20:53:13 manu_freak@hotmail.com: you were the one who said it was ankle deep
20:53:18 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: ANKLE DEEP!
20:53:21 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: He he.
20:53:27 manu_freak@hotmail.com: thank you!
20:53:32 manu_freak@hotmail.com: you got jo all worried!
20:53:42 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: That's what makes it so delicious.
20:54:04 manu_freak@hotmail.com: although she did guess that you were exaggerating
20:54:10 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: The elements of the fantastic and horrific.
20:54:14 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: It's brilliant.
20:54:26 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: It makes my life i nthe tedious east midlands a little brighter.


16:52:24 nathanhilluk: So
16:52:28 nathanhilluk: Winter 2007
16:52:34 seymourparadise: Yes?
16:52:38 nathanhilluk: Trip to Kygizstan
16:52:42 seymourparadise: What?!
16:52:51 nathanhilluk: It's so off-the-beaten-track, I can't even spell it
16:52:54 seymourparadise: hahahaha
16:53:01 nathanhilluk: So indie
16:53:04 seymourparadise: So alive
16:53:34 nathanhilluk: None of your friends at the coffee shop will be able to say "Man, the central-asian former Soviet republics are SO LAST YEAR"
16:53:42 seymourparadise: I hope that its terrain is covered in snow with winds that pick it up and blind you with it
16:54:01 seymourparadise: And I'll walk through and scream, "THIS IS SO FAULKNER"
16:54:47 nathanhilluk: I do seriously want to visit Beshbalik
16:54:54 nathanhilluk: Wait...
16:54:59 nathanhilluk: I now need to check this
16:55:09 nathanhilluk: Is Beshbalik in Kyrgistan?
16:55:21 seymourparadise: Your guess is better than mine
16:55:27 seymourparadise: wikipedia...
16:55:28 nathanhilluk: OK
16:55:31 nathanhilluk: It is
16:55:36 seymourparadise: So what's inspired this/
16:55:41 nathanhilluk: K Y R G Y Z
16:55:42 nathanhilluk: stan
16:55:47 seymourparadise: Lots of laying on the ground?
16:56:03 nathanhilluk: Lots of no-one being here
16:56:15 nathanhilluk: Also, I listend to a podcast from Bokharra, Uzbekistan
16:56:27 seymourparadise: It only took you two days to crack?
16:56:43 seymourparadise: See, think of the great schemes you could've generated in the sleep study
16:56:53 seymourparadise: You'd be ready to become an astronaut
16:56:57 seymourparadise: Or a cosmonaut
16:57:19 nathanhilluk: The capital of kyrgyzstan is Beshik
16:57:26 nathanhilluk: No, Bishkek
16:57:47 seymourparadise: Hahaha
16:58:16 nathanhilluk: Beshbalik is starting to sound like Sid Meir invented it
16:58:50 seymourparadise: Mongolians?
16:59:05 nathanhilluk: Indeed
16:59:08 nathanhilluk: Oh wait, no
16:59:21 nathanhilluk: It's just called Ürümqi now
17:00:01 seymourparadise: Sounds like a great trip
17:00:39 nathanhilluk: Sounds like Dysentry and getting shot by rebels for a cause you can;t pronounce
17:01:16 seymourparadise: Sounds like winter 2007
17:01:26 nathanhilluk: Tastes like victory


17:22:43 gracejohnson60: hi
17:23:44 selvrtanni: Oh hey, it's you again
17:24:01 gracejohnson60: YES
17:24:17 gracejohnson60: how are you?
17:24:29 selvrtanni: Kind of in a time-crunch, to be honest.
17:24:43 gracejohnson60: why?
17:25:42 selvrtanni: I'm working on a report, and I find that my enthusiasm for it has reached zero before my progress has reached 100. I have no desire to work on this tomorrow, so I'm trying to churn it out before night-fall. Hence, my away status.
17:26:28 gracejohnson60: ok
17:26:37 gracejohnson60: thet
17:26:43 gracejohnson60: is good
17:27:34 selvrtanni: Yeah, it's a regular friggin' carnival.
17:29:35 gracejohnson60: i hope you recieved the message i sent to you
17:30:16 selvrtanni: I can answer yes, if you're discussing the one we discussed last time. Otherwise, I'll go with no.
17:31:20 gracejohnson60: then what is your position
17:31:38 gracejohnson60: Buzz!!
17:31:43 selvrtanni: My advice remains unchanged: get thee to an embassy.
17:32:02 gracejohnson60: i don' understand
17:32:26 gracejohnson60: what will the embassy do for me in this case
17:33:00 selvrtanni: Pick a country you like the look of, and go to their embassy. Say "Hey, I've been the victim of political intimidation. How does your country feel about offering me asylum? FYI, I have millions of francs to bring with me."
17:33:19 selvrtanni: They'll be very keen to welcome your money to their country.
17:34:00 gracejohnson60: that means you are willing to assist me
17:34:34 gracejohnson60: Buzz!!
17:35:07 selvrtanni: Not really, beyond repeating lines from Hamlet with "nunnery" replaced by "embassy"
17:35:42 gracejohnson60: you speaks in parables i don't understand
17:35:59 selvrtanni: Sorry, just being obtuse.
17:36:19 gracejohnson60: can you give me your telephone so i can call you to discuss it with you in details
17:37:08 selvrtanni: No. Not until you clarify why you should want my help instead of the help of embassy staff who know ANYTHING about Cote D'Ivoire, emigration, financial transfers, and so forth.
17:37:17 selvrtanni: What I'm asking is "Why me?"
17:37:57 gracejohnson60: because i believe you can do it
17:38:07 selvrtanni: On what grounds?
17:38:43 gracejohnson60: since i have prayed and fasted for God to provide me with a honest person that will not betray me at last
17:39:10 selvrtanni: And God told you to hit up a arandom dude on the internet?
17:39:21 selvrtanni: I have an 8-ball that can do that.
17:39:49 gracejohnson60: what do you mean by an 8-ball


17:23:43 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: HURRICANES!
17:36:32 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: AAAAHAH
17:36:44 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: NO
17:36:48 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: NOOOOOOOO
17:39:22 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/information/hurricanetrackercompanion.html
17:39:25 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: Oh" the humanity!
17:39:39 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Here's a fun little application that allows you to be scared all the time
17:40:12 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: But only if you've got a mac! :)
17:40:38 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: These things are awesome
17:40:45 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: A peek into the human condition
17:41:15 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Perhaps when civilization is destroyed distant generations will judge us by our Dashboard Widgets
17:41:42 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: I want dashboard widgets
17:41:42 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/reference/dhsterroralertlevel.html
17:41:54 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: That's literally amazin
17:42:22 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Well then, you should switch to an essentially equivalent operating system with different proprietary software and fewer applications
17:42:27 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: It'll mnake you cooler, too
17:42:30 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/webcams/mirror.html
17:42:31 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Unless advertising has lied to me
17:42:50 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Because actual mirrors are in short supply
17:43:07 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: No natural substance can accurately reflect light
17:43:18 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: It's so true
17:43:41 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/calculate_convert/abodymassindexcalculator.html How about this?
17:43:44 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: http://searchcgi.apple.com/cgi-bin/sp/nph-sptlt?q=Tennessee&output=xml_no_dtd&client=osx_downloads_frontend&site=osx_downloads_dashboard&lr=lang_en&sort=&start=&access=p&getfields=Description&filter=0&&oe=utf-8
17:44:11 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Am I the only person who judges everything by what hypothetical future archeologists will make of it?
17:44:33 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/calculate_convert/piratetranslator.html
17:44:35 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Ask around, I figure if anyone else does that, you're more likely to find 'em at Oxford than anywhere else
17:44:36 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: I want them to judge me on this.
17:44:38 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Arr
17:46:22 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: What about future schoolchildren going to a museum to see the tattered front page of the Mirror, complete with Britney trying to break a car window with an umbrella?
17:46:41 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: That'll be their equivalent of woodcuts about gin drinking.
17:46:54 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: "The Hogarth of the 21st Century"
17:47:19 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Exactly
17:47:37 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/webcams/bonsaioftheday.html
This is so esoteric, I want one.
17:48:31 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: I have a widget that counts down to the day of my predicted death. It's especially poignant since I only ever look at them when I'm wasting time.
17:48:42 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: I'm trying to find the most inane widget
17:48:46 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: So far, it's Wyoming
17:48:54 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/webcams/passcampluswyomingroadswebcamwidget.html
17:49:04 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Ah, the roads of Wyoming
17:49:07 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: My old nemesis
17:50:22 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Man, or what if our lives are judged based on a USB mouse and a DVD of Scrubs Series Five?
17:50:42 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: A cappacino maker and a DOlly Parton CD?
17:50:49 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: They'll think our entire culture was based on Zach Braff's humor
17:50:58 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: The archives of Something Awful?
17:51:03 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: CONSERVAPEDIA?
17:51:18 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: They will paint us as a civilisaton of thirtysomethng men who have commitment issues relating to their absent fathers!
17:51:26 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: That took forever to type
17:51:34 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: I love conservapedia
17:51:37 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: Well, anthropology is difficult
17:51:46 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: Particularly what it says on special relativty
17:52:05 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: It exists in the terrifying world where 50% of it's users think it's a joke and 50% are deadly serious, and neither realises the other exists
17:52:12 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: OK, we've found our most boring one http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/networking_security/entropy.html
17:52:30 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: And this HAS to be a joke
http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/webcams/ufocam.html
17:53:09 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: It's a webcam at the Dobson Hill motorway junction, but with "UFO Webcam" written on it
17:53:27 milton_and_me@hotmail.com: And a squashed fly on the screen
17:53:31 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: And some photoshopped bird crap
17:53:48 nathanhill_uk@yahoo.co.uk: WHAT IF THIS PAGE IS ALL THE FUTURE HAS TO JUDGE US BY

5 Comments:

At 3:10 am, February 28, 2007, Blogger ck215 said...

OK, this post is like way too long. And Leicestershire is not up north. It's in the midlands. MIDLANDS. And the southern end of them, too.

As a coincidence, The End was playing on my computer as you spoke. The semirandom algorithm of WMP selecting that particular song is scary.

 
At 10:15 am, February 28, 2007, Blogger Nathan said...

I agree it was long, but I thought it was worth it.

Also, my perception of it's northerliness was probably emphasised by the fact that I live with Geordies, and that it is an industrial town with absaloutely nothin to recommend it.

 
At 5:29 pm, February 28, 2007, Blogger Maxwell Edison said...

You never told me you were recording me! I'd have been so much more witty and urbane had I known!

 
At 12:11 pm, March 01, 2007, Blogger Nathan said...

How much more witty and urbane would you have been if you knewn I was transcribing the conversation onto high-lead glass and burying it for posterity?

 
At 12:15 pm, March 01, 2007, Blogger Nathan said...

Shazam.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home